OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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