I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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