I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
