Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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