20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
