So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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