why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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