There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't want my vagina anymore.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
