sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
