I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
