dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
