Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
