Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
