Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
