I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
