I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
