i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Less talking, more tequila
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize