I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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