I wish my penis had an off switch
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
