So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
