SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
