I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
