I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
