the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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