he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
