And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
