We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
