like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Say something about gay babies.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
