Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
