it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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