the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
