You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
