so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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