it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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