if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
