..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
