Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
