The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
