Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My feet surprised me
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