you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
