if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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