Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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