Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
