Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
