It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
