Welp...herpes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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