Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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