the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
