So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
