I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
