why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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