you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
