I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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