How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
