How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it was like eating out sand paper
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
