He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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