I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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