I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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