so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
