I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We named our party play list daddy issues
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
