Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
