I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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