I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
