i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you win again, gameday.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
