We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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