I love black thongs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
