never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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