The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wish my penis had an off switch
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
