Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
