Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
